Intuition is present in all humans. It is as universal as having a body, though most, if not all of us, get conditioned out of this innate ability. Creativity, despite how you may label or define it, exists within all of us and in fact our bodies are our first creative act. Each one of us, our essence, our souls, enter into form at the moment of conception and begin our journey into form and time by building our bodies. A wild dynamic dance of movement and creativity- weaving the heart of ourselves with every cell division, every new chamber- and with every pulse we express our inherent selves. The self that never begins or ends. Our pure, infinite, creative spirit.
We begin whole, remaining continuous throughout our lives both in form and energy. We come here eager and aware of our true origins. Our home of nowhere and everywhere.
As we build ourselves we begin to experience the world of form. First through the insulation of our mothers bodies. Her emotions, movements, and energy paint the first picture of this world of form. We build ourselves into an agreement and desire of having an individual experience- something seemingly impossible from our homeland, where we are all, and all is one.
The power of our spirit is strong, but our vehicle for experiencing is vulnerable, delicat, and impermanent.
As we exit our mother and enter the wider womb of the world we feel the weight of subjective perception. Still not near fully individualized, the feedback of our bodies begins to take our attention. We have been feeling and moving already in the womb, but now our skin feels temperature and contact, our mouths rich with saliva and sensation, our lungs pierced with air. A cacophony of new and abrupt sensations brings us fully into the experience of this tiny, vulnerable body we now inhabit. When we contact mothers skin we remember home, where we were just moments ago. Star dust and flesh woven together. We remember our origins, our heart. We are one here, skin to skin.
Our senses come alive again, we smell, we taste, light enters our eyes with blurry shapes and colors. We hear rhythm and tone and pitch. We know these vibrations but they’re all so different here. An impulse from within, a grumbling of tummy, we cry out. What is this? Instinctively we know, as mother knows, we are hungry. This body needs. It needs food.
To need is a new experience for us. Where we just arrived from all we needed we already were. But here this body needs, it’s hungry…and small. It needs to know it’s safe. The smell, touch and sound of mother creates this for us. As we latch and begin to feed we remember home again. I have this body but I am one here. I am no different than mom or dad or this room that contains us.
Time passes. As we grow and develop we build our individual sense of ourselves. Ourselves as separate and distinct from our surroundings. The sense of vulnerability our form gives us makes us ask ‘how is it here?’ My tiny body, incapable of self sufficiency or self protection needs to know how it is here, so I can survive. The weaving of my heart, the infinite dust still pulses through me, but the impermanence of flesh is overpowering. These other humans, my caregivers, mom, dad, they aren’t unconditional. To get what I need from them-food, shelter, love- I need to be a certain way.
And so my internal map begins to form. With each curve and turn a hypnotic learning and categorizing takes place creating my perceptions and definitions of how it is here- formed and informed by the conditions of my environment and how I choose to label them. When I scream and cry mom pulls away and I feel a severing of our connection- “to receive love I must not make a fuss”.
More time passes. We’ve begun navigating this world we live in and our maps are getting strong. We know how to be but we can still feel our heart and spirit and why we formed ourselves into this world. We look to mom and dad to validate this heart we feel within us, but despite their best efforts, this validation goes unmet and we make up and concretize more definitions and assumptions about ourselves.
The physiological landscape of emotions drives us in reactivity and decision making. The impulse of feelings moves us and reinforces unconsciously how we’re perceiving the world. With each reaction the energy of emotions moves through moving these bodies. As our bodies move and shape with these emotions our nervous system gets patterned. This internal map is not just subjective, but literal and reflected in our brains and nervous system patterning.
The intensity of these experiences, sensation, emotion, movement and interactions with our environment, parents, community, takes us over. Our survival is our focus, and our survival is directly linked to love and how we need to be in order to receive it. If those closest to us don’t love us, we will die, no matter how they express their love, we build ourselves to be the recipients of it.
Slowly the call of our heart, our memory of home, where we are all and all is one fades away and our conditioned map takes hold. Imprinting our fixed lens of perception on the vast potential we had started with.
Through this lens, with our emotional charges holding us steadfast within our belief, we continuously create the world and experience we assume. With each reactive decision we reinforce and create what we believe to be true, making it true- missing all the other choices available to us. Blinded by our own beliefs.
We live here, trapped in this cyclical pattern of belief and reactivity naming it the way of the world. Unconscious and asleep to our true potential within, we blindly walk through life under the illusion that we are choosing what we do and experience when in truth we are simply acting out that map we made before our bones were fully formed. We may never wake from this dream. But some notice this cycle, becoming so tired of it they ask themselves if this storyline of life is all there is? Our hearts are powerful and ever present, no matter how buried they become through life. And once this awareness, desire and abandon of the story takes hold the heart shines through leading us to deeper connection and unwinding. Many confuse the journey to discovering their heart the same as living it. Every step towards the heart is a beautiful one. But living in the magic of the heart, in the knowing of where your true home is, creates a world almost unrecognizable to the one constructed out of survival.
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