Both. At The Same Time.
There's a truth out there, a whisper of a message: YOU ARE THE ONE. For One is all there is. I found this truth, or more accurately it found me. When I felt it, I knew, I knew it as myself. Its frequency touched the part of me, the depth of me, the motor that drove my seeking, my knowing that there was more to life. There had to be; I could feel it.
I once had an experience, which subsequently changed how I experience life, permanently, or at least until the moment I write this now. I was driving to Ojai to meet with my Authentic Movement teacher for our weekly, 4-hour deep dive into the great unknown. As David would say, "eyes closed, consciousness open."
During this period of my life I was in deep consideration of the nature of reality. Having journeyed through 2 years of extremely committed Kundalini Yoga, 1.5 years of intensive ACE Aikido training, the budding relationship of a life-time practice of somatic movement initiated by Authentic Movement and Emilie Conrad's Continuum practice. Many of my questions were being answered, supported by a deepening of awareness within. But there was still something missing, something more.
Years prior to this moment, in my late teens, I had experienced a psychological trauma that sent me on a journey in search of who I was. I remember writing in my journal... " I want to go where no one knows me, so I can find myself." And so I did. I was imbedded with the question of "WHO AM I?" Through the years that question deepened into my being, each layer of experience showing me what I'm not, and remembering what I am.
When Amir Zoghi's message walked into my Santa Monica dance studio, I was of course skeptical, but who knows, maybe now is the time for my question to be answered. So, as customary to the time, I took the free invitation into another 'peek behind the consciousness curtain'.
What I found here was what I had been looking for : Infinity. Up until this moment I was sensing something beneath what each of these practices I was devoting my life to had to offer. Amir's particular message of Oneness landed in me in a way I had yet to feel. This Truth that was so eloquently expressed felt like home, the home I didn't even know I was looking for: Love. Not dualistic love, but True Love, the love that is, all that is. I could feel this truth within me, just as I hope you can feel the Truth inside you now, reading these words.
Check✔️ I did it! I found the Truth, with it though, more questions. It was very clear to me that what I felt inside of me, and how I was experiencing, were not in alignment... so the journey continued.
Discovering this Truth opened a door to a knowing within that was deeper than any belief or circumstance. Fast forward to my fateful drive to Ojai. Driving was (and still is) my 'me time'. My natural state in the car is to just BE. A digestion of the realization around no-thing-ness; Infinite energy being what makes up EVERYTHING, including me, my car, the road, the ocean view to my left. This question emerged of "how is it this all seems so real if it's just an illusion?" How come I experience all this as real? WHAT MAKES IT REAL?
The answer came as I was merging onto the highway that led me to my final destination. In that moment I could feel how I was one with all things, that who I was, wasn't the one in the car, but the one who made up EVERYTHING. I could feel the space between the atoms. I felt them as myself. As the concrete divider guided my gentle turn it occurred to me that I could drive through it. That it and I, my car, were all made of nothing. As I allowed my car to drift towards the median I felt my mind kick in; I felt the moment-to-moment solidifying of the concrete as my attention filtered through my minds' belief of separation, of the reality of duality. I MADE it real. My mind, my belief, makes it real.
This moment brought me to the understanding of both at the same time; I am both infinite and limited. That Truth I know, there is only one, One Infinite Energy. Love. That is true, but the experience of it, of True Love is, both at the same time. And it's through our layers that we create this perception of separation. Our layers of perception, our dimensions of self, each one layering the solidity of reality.
Now I seek to give others this Truth, as their Truth. I primarily use the body to guide others into this freedom from self-limitation. And I ask you, what dimension do you live your life from?